The Analytical Empathy Method

What happens when you get stressed? There's a biological process where some individuals instinct is to fight back while others is to flee. This is called the "sympathetic nervous system fight or flight response" it's an immediate response. But what happens when you have time to sit and think on that "trauma"? Have you devised a plan to combat or prevent it for the future?

Personally I have experienced two "major" traumas, both of which I had no control over. Growing up I combatted abandonment issues by avoiding close connections with people. I have always found analysis as a useful coping mechanism to avoid hurt. My brain will play out thousands of scenarios of different approaches that could occur. This allows almost a foreshadow of events that could have potentially ended in disaster to be altered. I have used this to decide who I see as "long term friends" and who is "just in the moment" to determine the depth of friendship I allow.

The other half, empathy, was more of a struggle for me. I struggled feeling for other people in order to protect my own self. When my faith grew, an epiphany hit, this is not how God functions! We hurt God continually every time we sin yet he loves us the same. Once I truly grasped that concept, I realized I can care for people and be analytical at the same time without being deeply hurt again in the future.

The key is having a loving and forgiving heart. As the bible states in 1 John 4:19, "we love because he first loved us". We are incapable to truly love without judgement or predicament unless we have experienced the true unconditional love of Christ. When we thrive to live, love, and forgive like Christ, you gain an understanding "for ALL have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God" (Romans 3:23) - including me. My empathy can grow because I can expect everyone to wrong me, but it is my choice to show grace like Jesus.

My mama always told me "Will you remember this in 5-10 years"? Knowing me I probably would, but the case and point is to let go and let God. I call it my analytical empathy method because I like to analyze every situation. How could it have improved? What could I have done differently? How could I have reacted better? But then I like to empathize and think, why did that individual approach me in that manner? what are the circumstances that could caused that individual to react like that? Those mentally played out scenarios help me relate and forgive and love that person. It humbles me to realize who am I to judge I am not perfect either. Only God can be the judge of everybody's actions.

We are not called to judge, condemn, and belittle people, we are called to love and share God's undeserved grace and mercy. Leave all the rest to God.